In the brief time that I have been both a blurker and a blogger, one issue in particular has troubled me considerably. I've pondered it, tried to understand it, and yet remain completely puzzled by it. Why do so many Western women who revert to Islam and marry men from the Middle East feel compelled to reinvent themselves -- to cast aside much of what makes them who they are as individuals? (This may also be true for women who marry Muslims from other parts of the world, I don't know; my experience has been with Arabs married to women from North and South America and Europe, so my observations come from that perspective.) "Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents" (2:83)
If the name that your parents gave you does not have a meaning that is patently un-Islamic, why change it? A name change does not make you a better Muslim, but it can further isolate you from your already confused parents whom, as a Muslim, you have a duty to obey and care for (unless they demand that you do something contrary to your deen).
"O mankind! We created you from a single pair of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted with all things." (49:13)
Your cultural experiences are different from your husband's and vice-versa, but that does not mean that you should abandon yours for his just because he comes from the part of the world whence came the Prophet (saws). So much culture has become imbued in the Islam of the Middle East that the average person can hardly distinguish between the two. One of the beauties of practicing Islam in a country that doesn't have such a long cultural history is that the boundary between faith and culture is not blurred.
And why is it that we suddenly forget that most of us never even heard of things like mehshi, kawerah, molokhiya, konafa, lift, fasolia, macarona bechamel, or babaghanoosh until we got married, but they have become daily staples of our diets? What happened to things like pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni salad, grilled steak and mushrooms, biscuits and gravy, creamed corn, key lime pie, and fried chicken? Did your taste buds change once the marriage contract was signed?
We are frequently cautioned that Islam is the middle path, yet like a pendulum, we have a tendency to swing back and forth from one extreme to the next without settling in the center where we should be. Our husbands are important and we should strive to make them happy; however, common sense tells us that an unhappy wife stands very little chance of making a happy husband! Misery loves company, or so I've heard. . .
